The Devil You Know: When Elder Abuse Hits Close to Home

We’ve all heard the horror stories of elderly individuals falling prey to elaborate phone scams or internet fraud. These tales serve as cautionary examples, prompting us to educate our older relatives about the dangers lurking in the digital world. However, this hyper-focus on stranger danger can inadvertently blind us to a more immediate threat: financial exploitation by family members, caregivers, and other trusted individuals.

A Betrayal of Trust

Consider this all-too-common scenario: An aging parent, perhaps struggling with declining health or cognitive issues, relies increasingly on an adult child or hired caregiver for daily support. This helper gains intimate access to the elder’s life, including their finances. Over time, small indiscretions – “borrowing” a few dollars here, using the elder’s credit card for personal purchases there – can escalate into full-blown financial exploitation.

The methods vary, but the results are devastatingly similar:

• Convincing the elder to change their will or add the abuser as a beneficiary
• Pressuring the elder to sign over property or assets
• Misusing power of attorney privileges
• Simply stealing cash or valuables when the opportunity arises

This may go unnoticed for quite some time.Unlike a sudden, large-scale scam, this type of exploitation often happens gradually, making it harder to detect. So what happens if you discover something like this?

Breaking the Silence

Addressing this issue requires a multi-pronged approach and can actually be quite difficult. It is common for someone who suspects something is going on to be hesitant to confront anyone – what if you are wrong? What is it ends up having you be isolated from this family member instead?

Consider involving a neutral third party, such as a financial advisor or elder law attorney, in major financial decisions. If you suspect abuse, don’t hesitate to report it to adult protective services or law enforcement.

This is easier said than done. It is always best if you have some type of proof to back up your claim. This certainly ties into the next article on why you need an advocate in place – but keep in mind setting some ground rules and boundaries is always a wise idea. Even well-intentioned advocates can overstep or inadvertently take advantage of their position if proper safeguards aren’t in place.

Why Boundaries Matter

• Power dynamics: The relationship between an elder and their advocate inherently involves a power imbalance. Boundaries help maintain a healthy equilibrium.
• Preventing burnout: Clear limits can prevent advocate burnout, which could lead to resentment or poor decision-making.
• Maintaining independence: Boundaries ensure the elder retains as much autonomy as possible, preserving their dignity and self-worth.
• Financial clarity: Well-defined financial boundaries reduce the risk of misunderstandings or intentional misuse of funds.

Establishing Effective Boundaries

Consider implementing the following measures:

1. Written agreements: Clearly outline the advocate’s responsibilities, limits of authority, and accountability measures in a formal document.
2. Regular reviews: Set up periodic reviews of the advocacy arrangement, involving other family members or professionals when appropriate.
3. Financial oversight: Implement checks and balances, such as requiring two signatures for large transactions or regular financial audits.
4. Communication protocols: Establish clear guidelines for how and when the advocate should communicate with the elder and other family members about decisions and actions taken.
5. Personal space: Respect the elder’s privacy and personal space, defining clear rules about access to their home, belongings, and personal information.
6. Professional involvement: Consider involving a neutral third party, such as a care manager or elder law attorney, to help define and enforce boundaries.
7. Contingency plans: Develop a plan for what happens if the current advocacy arrangement isn’t working or if the advocate is unable to continue their role.

By setting clear boundaries from the outset, you create a framework that protects both the elder and the advocate. This approach fosters trust, ensures transparency, and significantly reduces the risk of financial exploitation or other forms of abuse.

Remember, choosing an advocate is an important decision, but it’s equally crucial to create a structure that keeps everyone accountable and the elder’s best interests at the forefront.