The Study of JOY, Part 2

Last week we discussed the basis for finding happiness in our relationships and what that means in retirement. When you consider the relationships we have during our working lives and how structured they are, retirement is a huge change. Suddenly, we are without our colleagues on a daily basis, interacting with people a lot less. We may now find ourselves at home alone, experiencing loneliness, or even struggling with spending too much time with our partner. Whatever the case, it is not always greener grass, and while retirement happens suddenly, it can take time to adjust to.

There is an interesting book series written by Robert Delamontagne, PhD, called “The Retiring Mind: How to Make the Psychological Transition to Retirement.” It examines all of these factors, basically the psychological aspects of retirement. It turns out it is quite common for retirees to feel a loss of identity and purpose after leaving their careers.

This all ties back into what we have been discussing: so much comes down to relationships.

The study we referenced from Harvard found that retirees don’t miss working. Instead, they miss the people they worked with.

So what is a lonely retiree to do? First, know that the reason we chose to explore this topic is that it is common for folks to feel a sense of guilt associated with any negativity that stems from retiring. It is important to embrace that just because you retired does not mean you will be perpetually happy 100% of the time – feeling a little lost or lonely is completely normal.

While it may seem cliché you may consider that you need to fill these voids with new routines and even some new people. Some food for thought:

• Create a routine with your former colleagues – offer to meet them for lunch once a month – it may be refreshing to hear about all of the stress at the office you are missing! More important though, it may be refreshing to see a familiar face
• Seek out new friends, fellow retirees – it is always comforting to share with others in the same boat – form a new routine – meet for weekly walks, go to dinner, see movies…embrace and enjoy your new freedom with others
• Volunteer or work part time – since the onset of retirement is sudden, consider having something part time lined up before you retire – this way you ease into a lighter schedule rather than none at all
• Keep in mind being concerned about finances will also factor in – having people over to play cards, meeting for walks, or just sitting for coffee are just as engaging as going out to expensive dinners

Remember that we place so much emphasis on retirement being the thing we all work toward – give yourself time to adjust, embrace the freedom but don’t let loneliness become your new way of life. It may take some effort but retirement can be a whole new you waiting to happen.